Are you a believer? in whatever God is out there (if…)? Well, I am not, not 100%. Catholic upbringing, very catholic family all around. From the early years I have been told to go to church, just because you have to, that’s what catholics do. You do everything as: you’re catholic therefore you have to do all these things (pray in the morning, in the evening, go to mass, go to confess, etc etc). In short, I haven’t been taught to believe. Suffice to say, I don’t go to church on Sundays, haven’t done that since I have left home really, I kept to the rules of my parents to not hurt them by opposing and telling the truth that I don’t believe in God, it’s just a habit I have been molded into by years of practice.

If God really existed, he would be well bloody tired of listening to the same shit over and over again, every day, 365 days a week, for however many years you live… same prayer on repeat. I had a few moments in my life so far, where I have prayed with faith and conviction of my own, not with dumb repetition of a prayer taught when I was little… and I can’t say I have felt He listened to anything I have said.

My opinion is that God doesn’t exist, no matter what religion. I think what we have created as humans is need to have something we can turn to in adverse times, to ask for help when shit hits the fan, when you’re trying to achieve something. We seem to need to have someone to blame when it’s going wrong. “God doesn’t love me and didn’t hear my prayers”. Bullshit.

Do you really think God would sit wherever He might be and teach you lessons, put things into your life to “direct” you? to keep you on the “right” track? no, shit happens, all thanks to you alone and life circumstances. And we as humans want to have something or someone to blame for all the bad in the world, so that we don’t take responsibility for our own actions, our own choices going wrong in all sorts of ways.

In reality, our prayer, in whatever form it is, either conversation in your head, or active participation in mass in church, or other, is you talking to yourself, asking yourself to come up with an answer to your own prayer. It’s your subconscious mind helping you get to where you want, to create thought which will trigger a change in you, allowing you to put things into motion inside your head, put things into action.

I am not saying we need God as a sign of weakness. We need God as we are too petrified to take all the responsibility for ourselves, for the great days as well as the bad, both of which are 100% result of our own actions, decisions, choices, no one else involved. We need to feel that there is greater reason for that cancer your mum has been fighting for years, that coma your husband is not coming of after that stupid car accident…

When I “prayed”, I asked some “entities” (yes, I do have my favorites, eg. my beloved grandparents, all of which passed away years ago, and few other… entities), I asked each and every one of them, whoever might be listening, to help me get where I wanted / needed to get to, to guide me, clear my head of the indecision, fear, doubt, sadness, etc. whatever I was dealing with. I can say that these worked for me (unlike the learned ones).
The other thing is I have read a few books that helped me see I am the one alone responsible for each second of my life.
I still pray though not sure to whom or what… habit I guess? or the need to feel there is something in control of my life that can “give” or “help” me when I need it the most?
Or maybe I simply pray as I would like to believe in something?

Believing and faith are two different things in my opinion, believing in God is something you have to find for yourself, it can’t be taught, or told “this is what it is”, or by repeatedly telling you to read books on subjects related to whatever religion you are being brought up into. Faith is something that everybody has inside, it’s got a lot to do with your motivation, determination and resilience.
And you most definitely can not do something in the name of a God…
We are enlightened enough and educated enough for that sort of brain washed rubbish (you’d hope, eh?).

God wouldn’t make you pray days, months, years for that dream of yours and not respond to it, he isn’t that cruel. Remember? he supposedly is just love, why would he not answer your call first time around?