The small print: take the following (or not…) with a big pinch of salt and with the knowledge that I am really terribly sarcastic (life is much more fun when you’re laughing)

I am 188cm tall, weight? about 88kg, so would most probably be called judged on my appearance as slim, or fit, or whatever, but definitely not fat. My weight never changed and has been stable since my early twenties, well I oscillate between 86 – 88. I met my fair share of fat people, I also traveled through a few countries of different continents around the world, so I have a good idea of who can and should be called fat. I read here and there of all sorts of new slimming products, new great food regimes, diets, etc. etc. etc. and I think there is only one solution to the real problems of the world and for everyone to be living happily ever after.

Less fat people please!

Is it really offensive? insulting? hurtful to call someone fat?
In my books? no, it’s not hurtful, if it’s the truth… and this one you really can not get wrong if you know what I mean. You have to “look” fat to be called “fat”, so it’s just calling it what IS… why would it be offensive? I see a cup, I know it’s a cup, I call it a cup… I see a pen, I know it’s a pen, I call it a pen… I see a fat person, I know it’s a fat person, I call it a FAT person.

Is it actually a problem? being fat?
I don’t really know, as I can’t imagine having too much extra weight I absolutely don’t need. I also can not imagine myself being unable to notice gaining weight (but I do mind my weight). My point being, we are not born FAT, we turn FAT, no sorry, make that: we EAT ourselves FAT. The rubbish people eat, the shit excuses they come up with for eating crap, irregular, etc, the eating habits they form, and so on… so that’s about the appearance. But it all a problem?

How about the unusual amount of space people take? Most things like benches in parks, seats in the cinema, or on a bus, or a plane, or in restaurants etc. are design for something I will call here an average person. Your romantic cinema outing is no longer romantic, because the fat guy next to you takes both elbow rests, smells bad and keeps farting and burping… When a fatty comes along and takes the seat next to you on a plane, train, bus, you know you’re in shit… Oh and don’t call me names now that you’re reading this! everyone thinks just that, no one actually says it out loud!

But is appearance and the amount of space fat people take the only mark against? How about other things? like character. My limited research into the subject of fat people and their happiness levels would point to a conclusion, that most of them have a “bubbly” personality. Not sure if this is in reference to the wobbliness of the body parts or roundness of the persons body shape? Who knows. Some of them are simply more about laughing than crying in life, is my point. And it’s great for them, I think that shows that everyone can be happy about themselves, no matter how they look (don’t judge a book by it’s cover, literally). Is it all just a fake as well? are we not told that people eat through their miseries and troubles? Hm…

Now, lets look at a completely different aspect: how much more environmentally unfriendly fat people really are.

Disadvantages (only a sample few):

  • A car has to burn much more petrol carrying 4 fat people than a car carrying 4 slim people, a plane full of fat people will burn much more fuel than a plane full of slim people, you get the gist;
    carbon dioxide emissions increased thanks to fat people = global warming and melting of the ice caps is fat people’s fault
  • They eat too much, meaning demand for food is greater than if we were slim, meaning much more production of food, meaning the process of food production must be more efficient, therefore producing lesser quality, more available foods;
    animal over killing, dairy and poultry super-farms, that’s their fault, and guess what? yes, the soy beans production causing d-forestation of the Amazon rain-forests is the fat people’s fault too
  • They get ill more often, courtesy of the extra weight and strain put on their internal organs, therefore demand for healthcare is greater than if we were all slim;
    yes, expensive healthcare, you guessed it, it’s the fatties fault…
  • Things that are simply over-sized and unusable
    XXXXL was never on a size chart before the fatties evolved and the bath was never a the size of a swimming pool
  • Fat neighbors living above you in a block of apartments will keep you up with their light-footed stampedes every f..ing morning and evening
    sleepless nights and increased level of annoyance in the social area the fatties live in
  • Bad smell, scary breathing, snoring, are only a few malfunctions surrounding the aura of a fatty

Any advantages (theoretically):

  • Fat people do not use heating (or rather, they shouldn’t) because the layers of fat are keeping them warm, which means they use less energy to keep their homes warm;
    lowered energy usage, thanks to the fatties
  • Fat people are stronger, so in case you’re in a car accident and find yourself trapped inside your car, hope for a fat person on a scene of the accident
    maybe helpful with saving lives at scenes of accidents, thanks to strength of the fatties
  • Fatties eat all the rubbish food, so that healthy people can be even healthier, as they are only left with the good stuff to eat;
    increased life expectancy of healthy people by being left to eat only healthy leftover products, thanks to the fatties appetites for unhealthy foods
  • Extra weight allows for product stress testing, therefore improved manufacturing
    high quality products (really???)

So yes, we need more fat people to enrich our lives with new discoveries and bending the rules of the world to go beyond anything we could have ever imagined, when no humans have gone so far, and finally evolve into more amazing creatures and eat ourselves to death and the planet we call home.