I have been dealing with a certain situation I put myself into for a while, this involves another person. A situation I thought I’d never be in, something that happens only in movies (it’s the second time since I crossed over the 3rd decade of my life)… , although it is a different scenario…

I would lie if I said I am in the situation, because I am stressed and overworked? yes I didn’t have proper holiday since Christmas 2014… but no, that’s not it.
I would lie if I said that I am in this, because my sister is having some shit time with her fiance, shit that breaks couples…
I would lie if I said I am in it, because I am still waiting for my residence application to be approved (since October 2015?)…

You get the gist… I am in this moment in life, because I chose to, I wanted to. I’ll keep the details to myself. Even though morally I am not really happy with it, I can’t break it and do not want to, never felt like this before, but is it a good enough excuse to continue and keep trying? Well, at least I will be able to say I tried, I gave it a go, I didn’t just walk away…

So now that I am having holiday, relaxing, and pretty much doing nothing except for catching up with my parents, I have plenty of time to slow down. The feeling I had before and dilemma that it was causing sunk in some time ago, certain level of knowing, certain level of comfort, certain level of peace, certain level of calm, has now increased to a new high. You can imagine that, even though I think I should get out of that situation, the increasing level of intensity of the feelings is doing the opposite to helping me convince myself to quit and get out.

I thought that a time out from the environment and that situation will help me let it go, get perspective, but it just did the complete opposite… I am sure I don’t want to let go, ever… sigh…

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