I haven’t yet found an easy way to start each post, as what you think isn’t straight forward translatable into a cohesive sentence, well, not always. While I am trying to write these few words, I am also thinking how am I going to put it all here, as to not let someone understand what this post is about if I don’t want them too. Let me use a paraphrase…
You went to a restaurant once and you tried something you have never had before. Something that made such an impact, that you know you don’t ever NOT want to have it again. This is the only place you can have it, no one else served anything coming close to it before. But now, you are not welcome to come to that place. You can’t and you know you can’t. You are an unwanted guest.
The only way forward is to try to kill that craving, the memory of that flavor, so that you do not want it anymore, ever. You know deep inside it’s not possible, right? the memory of it will fade away but you will always KNOW what you want… You never had that bloody knowing before, and it’s not easy… You tried those dairy free creamy coconut ice cream and you know that you’d be happy having only those for the rest of your life, no matter how many other flavor there are, no matter how big or small amounts…
I know I love sunbathing in summer on a beach, I KNOW this. There isn’t anything that will make me change the feeling of KNOWING it. Even if I find myself on a beach full of carcasses of some weird creatures or whatever, you get my point.
Yesterday, I tried something I was hoping would impact the memory part, the conviction of knowing. I told myself, just let go, enjoy, try it, might like it and if not, well at least you tried. It really didn’t help… It felt like trying a plain potato, not sweet, not salty, no flavor at all, eating sand (if I remember that from childhood?), something you know you’d never want to try over and over again. It felt wrong. Like having champagne with a water, you just don’t do it.
I know that one day it will get better, I also know that I know what I want and won’t ever have it, so what’s the point in being with anyone? Now you’re just going to be looking for what you know you want, and what are the chances of finding something extra flavorsome twice in one life… Well, at least that’s my view. You know that the new flavor whatever and whenever it might come into your pallet is going to be off by a fraction of the spices and ingredients… so you will be struggling to get rid of a feeling of “settling for this”.
Guess what, I forgot to mention one very vital thing… AFTERTASTE is a BITCH… and it WILL put you off trying this particular thing again… Lessons learned.