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During the time when one is dealing with some shit in life, trying to let go of something you don’t really want to, things you don’t understand etc. the easiest is to distract yourself. I found it a few times, even the simple things work. You’re mind just switches. I walked in the other day into my apartment, switched my media tower and my laptop on, hit play and started listening to music. Nothing melancholic, quite a positive tune, yet I just broke down in tears on the floor, unable to stop crying for long moment, unable to get up. I had my phone in my hand, so I switched one app on, the one that makes you treat people like objects, the one for swiping left and right (yes, I have tinder installed, and I hate the concept of this app and how it makes people portray other people, objectified faces); and I started swiping through the images. By the time I was done with all my “found” results, I did realize that the tears have just stopped.

Yes, keeping distracted works, tick. Ignoring someone who you have feelings for isn’t going to work. Not for me I don’t think. It’s all still fresh, you might say, it will take time, that’s all. But right now, I notice myself having the feeling, when I glance at the person. I can’t seem to ignore, so I have to keep myself occupied with anything, absolutely anything that will keep me focused on things apart from the one thing I keep coming back to in my mind and heart.

So, new hobby… New hobby is a bit of a temporary thing, it’s too expensive and it really doesn’t solve the real problem. I won’t give any details here, because the sad truth it’s all a waste of my money and also a waste of your time reading about it. The real problem is that I am trying to replace something so unique that no matter what I do, it won’t be THAT I am trying to replace. It’s all like a bit of a shot of vodka, you get the taste for a minute, but it won’t make you even tipsy.

Right now I think I am still drunk (or at least hangover) on THAT I am trying to let go and get rid of my system and the hobby I have taken up won’t help deal with it, think it’s time to stop and change that hobby. I mean what was I thinking, trying to replace something meaningful with something meaningless… never going to work, no matter how much of the meaningless I try.

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