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I’ll share the events of last week… as it’s too terrible not to share…? word of warning so you don’t do stupid shit like me…

Considering how close me and the person this post is about got, what this post shows is pretty much showing you a full picture of what I have been served after we decided to stop the stupid shit we did (see my previous posts starting with L for Love…, The sinking feeling, or “Fuck This Shit” doesn’t cut it v2)

I am exhausted, have a constant headache since Wednesday, head spins, dizzy, eyes stinging, and all sorts of stuff. The atmosphere between me and the person who I though is going to be a friend has almost exploded. I am at the stage that if it’s not going to settle down one way or the other, I will start causing damage. I had enough. These relate to the person I have been trying to work out a friendly outcome since I came back from my holiday, but for a while I had stepped down and left it, to prove to myself, it’s just me who actually wants to be friends. Tell you that much, after last week, I am 100% sure I am NOT wrong. The other party doesn’t give a flying fuck…

Monday was stupid. Will skip that…

Tuesday was pretty fucking outrageous. I am coming back from lunch, walking down a set of stairs and notice her walking toward the entrance as well. Me being me, I took out my earphones, and opened the door, she sent an awkward smile and said thanks, I said no worries, while she walks through the door and keeps on walking. No word, no stop, nothing, 2 steps in front of me, all the 70m of corridor into the office…
I could not believe… but then I didn’t know what’s coming next…

Wednesday, I am still not realizing who I am dealing with. She goes for a walk with the one person she previously said to me she deals with only because she has to, because she is learning stuff from him (bullshit, there’s a different agenda on the books, read on). Brain trying to figure all this out, put it together, and then put it away somewhere I can actually understand and deal with? Hold on, person says one thing, but does something contradicting. All the time… WTF…
I slept less than 4 hours between 2 and 6am that night…

Thursday was the kill. I had enough, but I didn’t even have a clue what’s coming up. Walked into work. Wrote a message saying that shit from Tuesday almost pushed me to contacting her boyfriend to expose what had happened with us previously, because the bullshit ignorance and avoidance that’s happening isn’t going to fly with me, not when we have to work together. Not when I was asked to be a friend and I am being treated like I don’t exist and the one person she supposedly hates is the friend now. Nah. Enough of lies and bullshit. This stops. One way or the other. Sent the message, was serious and no fucking around. Response I get is a slap in the face “haha. got you to talk first”, first thing that came to my mind was “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME OR SOMETHING?!?!?!” then snort laughed to myself and left the office for a while… (mind you, I thought I was actually dealing with a 30 year old women – wrong!!!, not a 15 year old girl, this isn’t a fucking game, I am not a fucking toy), and then question “talk some time in person?” I responded with yes and heard nothing back. As I said I was at my limits and wasn’t going to wait any longer, actually wanted to talk that day so that I could try survive social evening event the whole team was going to go to that day, but in the end I had to force myself to ask when that conversation might happen as she wasn’t so forthcoming (another lack of care or giving a shit in my book). So, after some chit chat that an hour won’t be enough for her, I had been offered Monday lunchtime. I preferred out of work hours conversation for piece and quiet… but she said lunch.

It’s the last attempt to make this more human that it is.

Thursday isn’t done yet. So we go to a trampoline jump event (most of the team from work), but as I expected had no interaction with me at all. And finally, dinner. I am not going to expand on this, but it was so unpleasant to watch that it made me feel sick. I got caught in a stare off for a few longer moments with her, with the facial expression I’d like to say was sadness or guilt maybe but I am sure I am wrong, it’s more of an “I am having fun making this as awkward for you as I possibly can”. Then she went to the toilet, came back and the circus between her and the “hated” person continued. Let me remind you, she has a boyfriend of 2 years, means nothing right? Why would I be of any significance then… dumbass…
I only slept 2 hrs, between 4 and 6am…

Friday. I should have called in sick. Exhausted, mentally and exhaustion catching up on the physical level. After a conversation with someone from work who was there day before, it came to light that the dinner circus everyone witnessed (and commented on) started before I and 2 other guys arrived (we arrived as 3 parties, my party was last – I, our manager and the “hated” guy).
She wasn’t in the office, pulled a sick day… which is pretty good to be fair, as I randomly burst into tears a few times, luckily, no one saw, just so drained and unable to control anymore… and had been most probably saved from more fucking circus happening (and I am sure it would, probably recap between them two on the trampoline fun and dinner, more Chinese whispers and giggles).
I finished the evening with friends: good chat, dinner, few drinks and some funny videos. It was good. Went to sleep around 1am, woke up around 8am. Still, not enough sleep.

Saturday (today). I think that’s where it all started to slowly sink in. This is the person’s character. I am pretty sure there is too much damage done toward me that the friendship between me and her is going to be hard work. Why it’s going to be hard work? Because I am not willing to move a finger, as I have been delivered ignorance treatment before and I know it too well. I didn’t like it one bit, and I sure as fuck don’t like it now. The fact she has been ignoring me for the last 2 months and I asked about this before, she said sorry I feel ignored and still does the same. I’d  give her a chance, if she’s willing to “fight” for my friendship a little, but as I said, she won’t. Same as my cheating ex, didn’t move a finger either, no humility.

She is a two-faced, lying, manipulative, flirtatious, unfaithful immature girl who does whatever she wants no matter what and because she does whatever she wants she doesn’t give a fuck about any consequences neither doesn’t give a flying fuck about others. And I realized, whether asking politely or threatening won’t change a thing. Life will teach her value of people one day, or not. Either way, I won’t be there to see it.

So the only thing I am trying to get out of the Monday conversation is what the fuck am I to expect from her in the office from now on so I can try to adjust, or have to leave, or make her leave.

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