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Not sure how to phrase it. The thoughts running through my head right now are along the lines: do things come into your life at the right time? in reference to what? what you really need? what you ask yourself of? what you ask of others? can it be?

As per my last post, I am thinking about doing something extra with myself to prepare better for my Everest Base Camp trek. The personal trainer I train with found a week ago  new interesting training regime. It’s simple in the way that it’s only body weight, but there’s absolutely nothing easy about the movements. Suffice to say, I got really interested, got some videos, got a book and started trying the moves in my apartment already. It’s really interesting and fun, and I really like it. I am having a bit of an epiphany moment right now, could this be the new thing / the change I wanted for my workouts? Looks like it doesn’t it. Appeared at the right time? kind of.

On the other hand though… I am still fresh dealing with the aftermath of something I now (too late) know I should not have allowed myself to do. What I am trying to say about this is that the life lesson I got from that was REALLY not needed. I still don’t see what was the point. I just proved to myself I can go past my own limits. I wasn’t looking for someone first of all, definitely not someone who I’d manage to somehow feel something that strong in such a short time, also someone who has a lot of character traits I simply love and crave.

It all turned to shit, so what was the f..king point of that exercise? so that now I lack trust to any new women I may meet? as all I can think of is that they are just unfaithful liars, having their own agendas and will say and do whatever they f..king is needed to get it, and then wipe their ass with you when you’re not needed. She is a two faced c**t that has no integrity or respect, I guess that’s what I got out of that. Still, I’d prefer to skip that experience altogether as she wasn’t meant for me anyway, so what was the point, honestly. Because I can’t have whatever I want? Because it’s not what I need? Fucking what?!

So do things really happen in your life at the “right” time? what the f..k would that even mean? I somehow think life is a load of bullshit events happening absolutely randomly, there’s no right or wrong moment in life to learn something.

Tell me…for example… what is a f..king lesson?
in loosing someone to cancer?
or, getting infected with some weird disease that no one ever heard of when you’re born?
or, getting abused by your parent, spouse (not even going into sexual abuse here)?
(not that any of these happened to me)
etc. you get my drift…

Shit just happens and you have to get on with it. That’s all. Shame I feel and think too much, makes dealing with things that much longer.