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I try to say good bye and I choke…
I try to walk away and I stumble…
Though I try to hide it, it’s clear…
My world crumbles when… I force it all… (almost like Macy Gray’s – I Try)

I am being quite harsh with myself.

I beat myself up for having certain feelings, taking glances at her in the office, noticing the same details I find attractive about her, giving attention to the fact I am having the thoughts about her, about the person I do not wish to think about or pay attention too.  Sounds like the problem here, why I haven’t let it go so far, is that I simply give it too much attention, the fact that I am thinking and noticing that I am thinking about her, still, after x months of bullshit and crap.

I beat myself up for this and that and then some more for all of it in general and in detail and… where is the love? love for myself, nurturing myself in time of adversity, where I am clearly so affected by the situation.

She really is not worth it…

Is it time to remind myself of my own quote and repeat it over and over again until it becomes ingrained in me: love yourself first, then you can love others freely?

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