I have no idea what’s really going on to be fair. Each day this week so far was an absolute mental struggle for me. Every day, getting worse and worse. I have a weekend break from Saturday for 2 nights and I am so drained I am not even looking forward to it, I don’t even feel it’s near. I didn’t get a chance to get happy or excited about that! All I can think of is what’s going on with me, I need to get out of the office, what day is it, F..K it’s not Friday… and the sorts.
I feel so drained that my body is just going on it’s own I think, but brain is struggling to utilize the capabilities of itself. I haven’t taken a sick day for years, I feel too responsible for the projects I work on, even though the company will still be there with or without me, but the project manager / digital producer is struggling too and me by taking a sick day will mean I won’t deliver part of work she has scheduled me on, responsibility…? Vicious cycle? It is only a job in the end isn’t it…?
I know I need a break, a mental break, from work, from the city, from where I am, from the apartment, from the gym, from the situation I have been dealing for so long, for everything. Hence I booked a short break. It’s a long weekend here as Monday is a day off. My hotel room has a bath(!!!), yes this was the main criteria believe it or not, my apartment has only shower (like most in Auckland). It’s only 2.5hr drive, but it’s by the sea, it’s away from here! No matter what the weather is going to be like, I will either be reading a book, soaking in the bath, eating food, trekking or sunbathing if it’s nice.
Only 7.5 working hours to go… (if only), whoever is listening out there, please help me have the strength…