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I have been choking myself with my own mind, thoughts, wrong focus, fighting for something that’s not worth it for a very long time. It has been so long that it’s actually pretty stupid to be still dealing with it in any shape or form. I have been actually told the other day by a mate to “get a life” as my “obsession is getting silly”, my reactions to and jokes about a certain person at work… etc.

In the meantime, I kind of have been trying to get onto a few online dating sites looking for, using the safety of “silent rejection”, either friends or more. I am not that brave about chatting up a random girl at a random place, etc. so online gives a bit of safety there.

I need a breath of fresh air, and I know it. I feel it. I need to find and stick to people who actually genuinely care about me and value me as a human being, as who I am, not because I am a piece of fit meat. So I filled out my profile on one of those website as honestly as I could, I think it’s fairly straightforward and up front read, as I had quite a few women saying they enjoyed reading it and started to talk to me first.

I talked to one person in particular for a longer period of time, and quire regularly, and the meeting up in person was inevitable, I thought. My sarcasm got the better of her and she simply enjoyed talking to me as much as I did. Except I made a silly joke, saying I am a girl called Natasha… with a sticky tongue “:p”, but she didn’t get that as sarcasm. Long story short, I apologized and explained I am not a fake profile, I sent my facebook details that actually had the same photo I used on the site and wanted to confirm that all me is me. She decided it was a bad joke, but might have been a little harsh to not give it a go, so she finally sent a message saying that the online thing isn’t for her, but here’s my number if you want to meet.

So we did. We decided to go for a drink, requirement for her was comfy seats, we found a place and sat and talked. Few hours later, we decided to move to another place. All in all, neither of us realized the time, we have spent about 4 hours talking about all sorts. I am as honest as I can be, and due to the circus I have been through I am a bit of a mess I think, and I don’t feel I am ready to be in a relationship even though I really want someone around sometimes, yet I have moments when I think I am just not made to be with anyone. She also said she isn’t entirely ready for relationships, but we both definitely enjoyed our company and want to meet again and want to become friends to start with.

Best Sunday afternoon / evening I had in a very long time (pretty much since I came back from Marrakesh/Barcelona).

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