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I try to work out all sorts of curiosities of life in our world, I have my theories, thoughts, conspiracies…

One of the question I asked myself some time ago was how come Asians have squinty eyes? I know it’s an origin, race type of characteristics, but where did it come from? Why is it that people from the eastern part of the Asia and not anywhere else have squinty eyes? All of these are based on the fact that to see better from a distance, we squint… so…

Theory 1.

They are direct descendants of aliens, they had access to futuristic technology (smarphones to be exact) centuries ago, yet kept it on the low, to make sure to bring it up when the world is ready for it.
Now, using the screen causes the eyes to squint for better focus. Imagine, decades and decades of smartphone usage, nose in the screen, and here you have natural evolution of squintiness, so that the Asians no longer have to sit nose inch away from the screen, they are squinted by default for better use of phone…

Imagine my surprise how quickly that theory fell crumbling down, when it’s 2017 and each Asian I see is still inch away from the screen… and squinty… go figure… Evolution fail Darwin award…

Theory 2.

Another one is based on simplicity of history. Years,decades even, of trying to figure out how to make rice; and gunpowder. You see, to deal with those tiny bastard grains, pick them off the floor and stuff, you have to be able to see them first. And to do that, you have to squint. Hence, final invention of gunpowder meant the evolution of Asia could stop at that point of history. Credible? I say so…

Theory 3.

My final theory (and to be fair, it does sound the most credible) is related to again, years and years of trying to deal with one problem. A problem that no one seems to have figured out before, a problem that sounds so obvious to me right now, but didn’t at the start of this thought quest…
The real reason and the truth behind the one of the main characteristics of an Asian – squintiness – is they just can’t fucking make out their own writing, looking all baffled at those characters for millennia, what does this bloody character mean ffs?

It’s not the alien technology, it’s not the groundbreaking work and invention of gunpowder, it’s not because they look at the sun too much; it’s just because they can’t bloody read their own writing… There, yet another mystery of the world solved. Tick.

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