This is a simple vent, let it out, spill it out, as I’ve got no clue what to do.
I feel underpaid at work. I love what I do, but if money wasn’t needed to live, I’d be driving cars for the hell of driving them, always loved cars, turns, speed, just the simplicity of being in control of it.
I don’t feel I have much left at the end of the month to treat myself (I’ve not bought myself any clothes for months, except for some football shoes 2 weeks ago and some trainers because both are falling apart), or to treat my family to something simple, yet special, eg. a day out, a spa day, or some nice weekend away…
I don’t feel I have much left from my pay at the end of the month to be able to clear my remaining 4k+ of credit card debt…
I don’t feel I have much left from my pay at the end of the month to be able to get a new engagement ring (due to the previous one breaking) and I have heard a comment more than once about it, not a dig or anything, but being aware that it’s not all sorted and I feel I can’t do anything to change it…
I don’t feel I have much left from my pay at the end of the month to go to the dentist, I haven’t gone for years now, and sure as f..k need to…
I don’t feel I have much left from my pay at the end of the month to be able to put anything away into my savings, or to add to our upcoming wedding attempt, or anything I might dream of…
I don’t feel I have much left and therefore I don’t feel I am putting enough into our household funds, to plan much needed kitchen renovation, or other updates or small nice to haves (not to mention bigger nice to haves things)…
And lets not dream about going back to Europe for a family visit or something…
All of this is making me feel really underpaid at my current job as well, due to market rates being much higher than what I currently earn (we’re talking easily 15-20k more). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not this shit hot developer, who can write a tetris game in 2 lines of code, but I know my way around, have been doing this for almost 14 years.
Looking at some of the job descriptions I’ve seen, it all seems to me to just marketing slang and catchy phrases (leading, top, bleeding edge), which do not entice me to see what the company is about, it rather disgusts me… no clue what is going on with me, I’m not sure how to get ahead of it, don’t even know what I need to change, figure out or what the general fuck is up.
I’m in a such a bad head space (or so it seems to me), that I feel un-interviewable (if there is such a word).
Sound like burnout… side effect of non stop working from home, no proper holidays either… no clue…
secrets of my brain 